The Woes of Motherhood

Has your heart ever hurt so bad that you just wanted wanted to curl up and die?
Seventeen years ago when I gave birth to my son, I never would have thought such elation could turn to such heartache. My son has issues, to say the least. He is very depressed and has so much built up inside him that he won't let go of. Long story, it would take a lifetime to explain all the issues. He just has some things he won't let go of and has never worked through. He deals with things by acting out, taking his anger and frustrations out on the people who love him most. Oh, how my heart aches.

Yesterday I had to really play tough love and it hurt and to have your child try to drink his problems away just to not feel for a while. I don't know what to do anymore, Lord knows we've tried everything from counseling, military school, medication, tough love, - nothing has worked. He has burned so many bridges with my sisters, parents and us that it isn't even funny. I just pray that God will protect him and keep his safe and warm and meet all his needs. I guess as a mother, praying is all that I can do.

I played him this song last night. We both cried. We both hugged for a very long time. He was safe in my arms. Nothing else mattered at that moment.


He's My Son
by Mark Shultze


Down on my knees again tonight
I am hoping this prayer will turn out right
There is a boy that needs your help
I've done all that I can do myself

His mother is tired
Surely you can understand
Each night as he sleeps
She goes into hold his hand

And she tries not to cry
as the tears fell out of her eyes

Can you hear me?
Am I getting through tonight?
Can you see him?
Can you make him be alright?

If you can hear me,
let me take his place somehow
See he's not just anyone
He's my son

Sometimes late at night I watch him sleep
I dream of the boy he'd like to be
I try to be strong and see him through
But God, who he needs right now is you

Let him grow old
Live life without this fear
What would I be
living without him here

He's so tired
And he's scared
Let him know
That you're there

Can you hear me?
Am I getting through tonight?
Can you see him?
Can you make him feel alright?

If you can hear me
Let me take his place somehow
See he's not just anyone
He's my son

Can you hear me?
Am I getting through tonight?
Can you see him?
Can you make him feel alright?

If you can here me
Let me take his place somehow
See he's not just anyone

Can you hear me?
Can you see him?
Please don't leave him
He's my son