What Went Wrong?

I feel like a failed mother. Two of my three kids in school are struggling really bad, and if things don't get better soon, they may even fail. I know, I know, this is only the first week of the 2nd six weeks, but N has brought home 8 F's this past six weeks, which is totally unlike her. And R, God help us, brought an F home in conduct. How in the world do you make an F in conduct? I am at my whits end and I no longer know what to do.

My husband says that I am the teacher and how come I can't tutor them and make sure they don't fail. He says he's through with the lecturing, fussing, grounding, etc and that it is all on me now. Okay, as wonderful as my husband it, the kid department is where we have our blowouts. I feel that is totally unfair to put the whole burden on me. What about the kids, don't they have some responsibility in this, such as doing their homework, listening in class and studying? Doesn't their teachers have a responsiblity to work with them if they are struggling (as a teacher, I know this is a super difficult task, especially with the evacuees increasing our classroom sizes to almost 40 per classroom). Isn't it just as much his responsibility to help them learn as it is mine? Why, because I am the teacher, do I get stuck with the whole responsibility? He says you can't expect the slow to teach the slow...he is not slow- he is just a hands on learner. Give him a book and he'll throw it at you, give him something to figure out how to work it or fix it, it's done. I know I have more experience and more patience, but with me working full time, going to grad school full time and coming home to such needy children, I am worn out. I am tired and I don't want to do any of it anymore.

I want to quit work, quit school and just stay home, clean house, watch my soap, have supper on the table by 5pm, check homework, call out study guides and go to bed. Instead, I go to work till 4pm, go to school till 8pm, get home usually by 8:45, read three kids homework assignments, three kids' notes from school, call out spelling words or social studies study guides, then sit down, find a bite to eat, watch the news and go to bed. I just want to go climb into bed and hide under the covers. I feel like all I ever do now is fuss, fuss, fuss.

I really think it is my age, i just don't think I can juggle things like I used to. Used too, if my plate wasn't full and I wasn't going 5 different directions, I felt useless and bored and had too much idle time on my hands. Now, I have to keep 3 calendars in arms reach just to keep up with what is going on each day. I have found myself counting the days starting with Monday, to the weekend. I have to tell myself, "One day down, four more to go", etc. That is pathetic. I am only 3 weeks away from being 36 years old. I should be in my prime!

Okay, had to vent a little more. Sorry J for blasting you with all this on the phone last night- had to get it out before I got home and vented somehow unappropriately.

I love my life, I love my kids, I love my job, don't get me wrong. I just am very ready to lead a slower paced, less stressful, less demanding life now. It has finally all caught up with me.